Online shopping leads to mystery – The Advocate-Messenger
I must admit that I am a fan of online ordering. Unless I have an urgent need for an item, I can order it online and have it delivered to my door in just a few days and I don’t have to deal with the traffic, the screams of children who have a fit in the store or to the cashier who sneezes into her hand and then hands me my receipt. No thanks.
As I order things online quite often, I wasn’t surprised when I found a package on my front porch the other day. After all, there are times when watching late night TV and eating too many cheesy doodles leaves me a little vulnerable to ordering whatever is on sale on the infomercial, whether I need it or not.
I already have far too many kitchen gadgets, knives that will never go out, ovens that will cook up a gourmet meal in two minutes flat, and a lifetime supply of Ginsu Knives.
My surprise with the package came when I opened it to find a porcelain pitcher covered with little pink flowers. I thought I had eaten so many cheesy doodles that I hit rock bottom and ordered this item with no memory.
I then thought that maybe my wife ordered it and forgot to tell me. After hearing that my wife didn’t actually order the item either, I thought that maybe someone had sent the item in for a gift. I checked the return address label on the package and it was from a company I had never heard of.
I thought for several weeks where this article came from. As the little pink flowers don’t exactly match my decorating taste, I moved my Bowflex, George Foreman grill, Thigh Master, and copy of the VHS tapes from Sweating to the Oldies and found a place for the pitcher in the attic to store it. Still, I wondered where such an object came from.
Being the master sleuth that I am, having watched every CSI episode ever made, I decided to contact the address on the return label. When I called, it was a company in China that was able to tell me the day, time and phone number from which the item had been ordered.
It turns out that the pitcher was ordered with my phone. My wife already said she didn’t order it. I was pretty sure I didn’t order it when I was in a state of desperation and lack of sleep. That left only one person in the house: the dog.
My dog has quite expensive tastes. He’ll snub his nose if I try to feed him bologna and insist he bite the steak I’m eating. He will only submit to going to the vet if I promise to take him to the park later.
So in essence I thought it was possible that the dog ordered the pitcher. When I confronted him with why he ordered the pitcher, he just rolled his eyes as if to say, “I’m a dog for goodness sake. Have you lost your mind? “
After checking that the item was ordered with my phone, I have no other conclusion than to think that while my phone was in my pocket, I was able to bring up a website, select the pitcher, grab the information and address of my bank card and press the order button.
I guess stranger things have happened. After all, I’m the guy who ordered a Snuggie in camouflage gear.